bluedog33 @ 2008-07-23T19:59:00

2008-07-24T00:59:41Z

I haven't updated in so long that this entry really contains two separate entries, that i couldn't help but write in my excitement.

A Dream

Today I woke up from a dream at eight o'clock. It was a horribly realistic dream. I felt everything with great accuracy. Of course, here i will marginalize the random ways in which dreams come about in the mind as I’ve had all day to find the stem of my dream. I was in a large classroom, with a teacher who resembled that of the ditsy Harry Potter professor of defense against the dark arts in the third movie. He was going around checking the paragraph homework assignment we had. I was as usual completely distraught by the discovery that my memory once more forgot to remind me to do the minute task. I frantically imitated the act of searching. The next part seems to be missing a piece. I found my friend Justin’s notebook and found the page with a few notes that were on the same reading we had done. I don't know who this was but some women told me in an irritated and condescending voice that I should just show the instructor my notes no before he continued. I went up to him and in a timid manor apologized for disrupting class, but when I went to show him the notebook, the pages were mixed up and it was revealed that this was Justin’s notebook. The very nice and dumb teacher looked at me with such disappointment and disgust that in that shameful state of guilt and terror I woke up.

In real life, I had let my friend Justin take one of my papers but he had failed to reword it and got a zero because the teacher recognized that it was my work and not his. Also in reality I have gotten away with much slacking and yes even at moments cheating, and now that I am going to college perhaps I am experiencing the anxiety of not having the backbone of my peers any longer. That is all right though, it was only a dream and I really want to break away from even the occasional bad habits in reality.

A Brave Customer

My interaction with others is a series of frivolous encounters that keep me content as a social human being. All conversations are about the weather or current physical conditions i.e. today I am tired, man it is so hot in here, this awful rain has got to stop.....
Or about the future that awaits me and my friends in college i.e I am so scared of bad profs, my roommate is wack, my dorm is the size of a closet, I want a mac <sfjksdgfjkdgs
that pretty much covers it

but today this man who walked into the bagel store casually chatted with us (me and my coworker Casey) about the tiring annoyance that work can be, until he broke the insignificant air of the conversation by bearing much more of himself than most people, let alone any customers have.

His voice began to take on a more melancholy tone when he referenced the responsibility we acquire when growing up and mentioned his 19 year old son. Then he drew in a breath and said, "you know what’s really hard, when both your parents die... then there's nothing, no security web, no nothing" . And I could feel how uncomfortable, how drenched in the heaviness of this strangers sadness, Casey and I felt. Then he said goodbye smiling in such a way that we knew it wasn't easy yet it wasn't a fake smile; it came naturally. Casey and I joked about how much of a downer that friendly man turned out to be, but I know he too must have been thinking what an honest moment it had been. How our meticulous and tedious jobs had suddenly disappeared in the wake of such a reality about death and loneliness that in our lazy summer days did not exist.

As terrible as I felt for that man, and could not fathom his loss, i was brought back into a world where what was said and felt had more meaning than what the moment could contain, and for that i was happy. I yearn for this in these summer days where I have given myself over to uselessness and the vanity of the sun and high hopes of endless romantic nights.

I've got less than a week before I move, and although I am really upset about how the summer has past I am beginning to fill with memories of my time here and will not squander them with the present rather negative reality. So, in about 10 days when my nostalgic mood wears away I’ll be writing my usual angry entry.

bluedog33 @ 2005-03-03T15:23:00

2005-03-03T20:23:59Z

hi kathrine

Friends only; comment to be added

2004-07-23T20:35:26Z

There are places
Some of us can't face yet
And even though we see it
We just swear God's sleeping
-colour revolt

PS tinyrockets

this was a choice, this was never a mistake

bluedog33 @ 2008-07-23T19:59:00

bluedog33 @ 2005-03-03T15:23:00

Friends only; comment to be added